My tears are so hard here.
On Sunday, I was at a Catholic Church and it was so beautiful. I completely lost all control of my emotions and began bawling. I had to run back to the house where I could barely breathe I was crying so hard. I was screaming and I was hurting. I fell onto my knees. I had no idea what other position to be in. My face was down. My tears were uncontrolable. I thought I was going to hyperventalate. My heart was burning. I can't believe what I'm seeing here.
The misery in Haiti is unbearable. It is overwhelming.
Every person. Every single person. Everyone has a horrible story of misery.
I know nothing.
Why are children beat?
Why is violence accepted?
How can people go hungry?
Often, I'll ask someone how they're doing...and their answer is "Not too well...I'm hungry." Wow. I've never heard that response before in my life. I don't have any concept of hunger.
My tears in Haiti have been unlike any tears I've ever felt. They are tears of complete grief. It's uncontrolable.
Last night, Mathilde and I bawled so hard that we ended up on the floor laughing. I don't know how to handle myself with so much misery. My body is going crazy.
I threw-up three times yesterday. I have been shaking. I have been getting chills. My body has never seen such sadness...and physically, it's going out-of-control. My face is breaking out like crazy. It's like my body is trying every self-defense mechanism to keep me sane. I've never felt like this before.
Haiti is in slavery. The entire country is enslaved. It is in an Economic Slavery. The chains are invisible...but everyone is a slave. They are slaves because they can't leave their country. They are slaves because there is nothing to do. There is no where to work. They are slaves to misery.
Little children sing miserable songs while playing jump-rope of orphans and hunger. In America, little kids sing songs about Rowing A Boat. I can't believe what I've seen here.
Slavery here is unbelievable.
We need a movement of abolitionists. Slavery needs to be abolished in Haiti.
I can't breathe. The slavery is so intense that I can't breathe. And, when I do breathe the polluted air enters my lungs.
I can't drink water from the facet. There is no water for the people to drink. Water. Water is the most basic need. They don't have drinking water. I don't understand that.
And, yet, all I can think about is Makendy. I love him so much. All I want is to give him a family of unconditional love. He has so many things going against him right now in his life. We cried today outside on the curb. We cried because of teh misery he faces. He daily faces hunger, violence, hatred, and he has no constant love in his life. I can't believe I'm leaving him. I love him so much. I want to give him a family of love. I want so bad to bring him home with me and show him the amazing family love that I have. I want him to run. I want him to go to school. I want him to feel free. I want him to be able to drink water. To take a shower in a shower. To sleep in a bedroom. I want him to feel like someone always loves him no matter what. What would Christ do? For what you do to the least of these, you do to Me. I have so many things I could sell to get money to bring him home. I have so much excess.
Once again, I am crying. But, right now I'm holding my tears back. I feel like a real Haitian. That's something Haitians are very good at...hiding their tears. Hiding their sorrow. Everyone does it. Everyone hides the uncontrolable tears that was to explode at every moment of the day.
Please someone...tell me what to do. I am at a complete loss.
Lord, you are so beautiful. Why do so many children go hungry? Why is there a little girl living across the street as a slave? Why do moms beat their kids? Why do dads leave their families? I don't understand. But, Lord, I do have hope. I will always have hope. Please use me, God. Please use me in one small way to further your Kingdom. All I want is to see your Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Please, give children their daily bread. I love you.
Tuesday, August 1, from 6:00am to 10:30am I'm going to be going to the Port-au-Prince airport with Mathilde. We are in serious need of prayer and protection. There have been a lot of kidnappings lately in P-au-P.
Lyrics I'm Humming:
The miserable funeral march song that plays daily in Leogane as there are so many funerals in this town.
7 comments:
That's the most beautiful journal entry I've read in a long time. I love the honesty. I look forward to seeing where and what it takes you to.
What does it take to bring someone form Haiti to America? There has to be some way to bring your friend Makendy here.
Mom
You've done it Megan. Your presence has brought a glimpse of the Kingdom there. As you follow hard after Christ, His likeness (love, humility, grace, patience, kindness, strength, understanding, etc, etc, etc...) has been shining through you all along. God bless you for your tears. God bless you for your love for the Haitians. Glory to God for all that you have been (Christ working in you and through you) for these people, more than you will ever, ever know. Well done.
Megan, my heart aches for your pain yet rejoices in how you seek the only answer-giver. I pray this anguish moves your spirit for years to come and that God will show you how to move forward. Thank you for being so honest and giving us a glimpse into the heart of beautiful people.
Love from Jennifer and Sherry
Megan, your pure heart and true love for God's children shines through in everything that you do. The journey you have shared with us while you have been in Haiti has been a beautiful example of God's love and sacrifice. Though it is painful, the blessing of crying the tears of Christ can be purifying and I hope that you will be strengthened through Him. I will be praying for your safe return, for I can't wait to see how God continues to use you in the lives of the Haitians and others He brings to you.
Megan-
We so pray for a safe journey home for you! Believe me, we all will be saying many prayers next Tuesday! One can feel your strong emotions through your blog- thanks for sharing!
We love you lots and will be anxious to hear all about your months in Haiti!
Debbie and Christine
Megan, I love you, I love you, I love you. I now truly see that God has used you as his tool in Haiti. I feel God's work was done in Haiti through you, simply a beggar as you say. An ordinary human being. You were his puppet. He does this all over the world to spread his light, as he has already come and gone on Earth. Thank you for your inspiration, and just know that you have affected more people than you even know. I am so excited for you to get home. Be smart during your travels. Only a few more days!!!!!!!!
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