Signs of Misery

Two beautiful children.

Wow. I am having so many feelings right now. My amazing friend, Ally Wesley, is visiting me right now in West Des Moines. I haven't really been able to "debrief" with anyone constantly until this week. I've been able to share a few bits and pieces of what I experienced in Haiti...but, I haven't really been able to share everything. Some stuff is way to embarassing, some stuff is way to real, some stuff is way to miserable, some stuff just isn't interesting, some stuff doesn't make a "good two-minute story" But...with Ally, I've been able to talk about it all.

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And, looking back on the summer... I think the two things that are impossible to miss are the dirty money and the walking-dead dogs. These are two things that Haiti cannot hide.

Misery can somewhat be hidden...stories can be altered...smiles can be forced...but, physical things such as money and dogs are always present.

Dirty Money...

Now, that is an interesting concept. The money is so dirty that sometimes the bills feel like a liquid. They almost seem to disolve in your hand when you touch them.

The Haitian currency is the Haitian Dollar...and there are 5 gourdes in the dollar. All of the currency is in gourdes though...the Haitian Dollar doesn't really exist.

I've never been given money in the US that is even close to as dirty as some of the Haitian gourdes were. You often couldn't tell what the amount of the bill was because the ink was so worn out.

Disease and bacteria are for sure spread by the dirty money. Washing hands is not a common activity... and, the money is not considered dirty.

One time, a man wouldn't take my 200 gourde piece because there was a little tear in the upper corner. I couldn't believe it. I had to go to another man to change my money...He kindly helped me and gave me a "better" gourde.

I was shocked with the money. I was sadened by the money. What a common thing in America. What a common thing in Haiti. What a world of difference.

Walking-Dead Dogs...

I can't believe the dogs in Haiti. I can't believe how sick they are. The dogs all look the same. They are tan colored, pointy ears...same breed... The dogs all mate with each other, and a tough Creole dog is created.

At night the dogs fight. I can't believe the fighting of dogs at night. One kid explained the fighting to me as "making love..." I thought to myself..."more like gang rape." But, that is interesting too. The kids see "making love" in such a different fashion. Women are oppressed so much in Haiti. What I would call "gang rape," kids look at as normal... wow.

For mature readers: The male dogs have black testicals...Black as night. It is awful. And, the female dogs have black nipples. Black because of bacteria? Black because of disease? Black because of malnutrition? Yes. Yes. Yes.

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There was one dog...who the kids called "Puppy" which I was terrified of. He was so sick and was already dead. His eyes were red. His fur was gone. He was so dirty. I touched him one time at night accidentally... I immediately ran upstairs and washed both legs...no, I scrubbed both legs.

An elderly woman at the Catholic Church who loves Makendy. She was always so kind to him.

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These two things surprised me so much. I did not even think about what the money would look like. And, I thought the dogs were going to be bad...but, I wasn't expecting what I saw.

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It is still so awful to meet beautiful, kind people...to meet children (above picture)...to meet elderly (above picture)...to meet the sick...to meet the hurting... And, to see these wonderful people living in a place with so much misery.

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I am so embarassed of my home. I am embarassed of where I live. I am embarassed by my closet. I am embarassed by our paved streets. I thought that I would feel more guilt...but, to my surprise embarassment has been the most powerful emotion.

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I was in Kansas City last weekend with Kelly's (my brother) soccer team for a tournament. I had a really hard weekend. I couldn't stop thinking about Makendy and wishing that he had a father or a mother to cheer him on at a soccer game. The soccer team went to a buffet restaurant...I couldn't go. I can't stand buffet restaurants. Why do we need to "eat all we can eat?" As Ellen Degeneres says..."We don't need to eat all we can eat. We're not hibernating! The next night we're going to go back to the same restaurant and eat all-we-can-eat again!" Good point.

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God really challenged me in Haiti. He showed me some ugly sides to Haiti. He showed me more misery than I imagined. I felt like He was asking me, "How much do you really love this country, Megan?" He daily challenged my passion for Haiti. And, I had some hard days. I had some serious questions about my passion. But, I love Haiti. I love the ugliness. I love the misery. I love the beauty. I am more convinced than ever that Haiti is one of my passions. I think you really love someone when you see their faults, and you see their ugliness...and you can still say you love them. That's love.

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A little child in Destra exploring the beach.

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So, the signs of misery taught me a lot.

The misery in Haiti stretched me in ways I never thought possible.

And, my love of the signs of misery is a sign of my love for Haiti.

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Lyrics I'm Humming:

Wyclef Jean's If I Was President