Tomorrow is TPD (Teacher Planning Day)... I am spending this afternoon at a friend's apartment eating dinner, watching a movie, and watching the beautiful Miami sunset from her huge balcony window. It is nice to not plan and think about school.
Man...I have never quite felt this way about anything in my life. The past few nights, I have been getting so depressed. I am just surrounded by negative all day long, and I go home so depressed because my students are so far behind and there are so many negative factors hurting us in our classroom.
I have never felt this depressed. I just want to sleep. My body is so exhausted. My mind is so exhausted. My energy is dwindling.
I am not going to quit, but I would love to. It would be so easy just to throw the towel in and leave this impossible job.
However, I need to face this challenge right now. I need to grow as a person and I need to be stretched and molded. I know these things...I know I want to become the best possible person and help the most amount of people possible.
I want to want to be here. I just want to wake up one morning excited to go to school to teach. I am waiting for the day when I like what I do.
My selfish prayer right now is for a minor tropical storm...school would be canceled and I could have a day to sleep in and breathe.
Jeremy is coming on Sunday. I am so excited to see him. It'll be so wonderful to have something not related to school to be around; it'll be so wonderful to have a reason to laugh and smile. I'm taking a personal day on Monday.
I wish I could give you more details regarding my students, the teachers I work with, the administration I work for, the neighborhood I work in.
My mind is spinning.
I am learning so much so fast.
Talk about shock therapy.
I am learning so much so fast.
Talk about shock therapy.
Positive for the day: I left my school at 3:30...which is the earliest I've left school this year.
Positive for the day: My morning class was attentive in my math lesson!
Getting better? Getting worse? Definitely not stagnating.
Lyrics I'm Humming:
Kids in America
Kids in America
4 comments:
I think I just lost the message I was sending you----oh well, here we go again!!!!! I was saying, "You go girl!" as the saying goes. What challenges you are facing!!!! In all of my many years as a teacher, I have never seen what you are seeng right now!
In all of my years PUT TOGETHER!!!!! It is amazing that people WANT to help people who don't WANT to BE helped!!!! Or, maybe they really DO want help. Surely the kids want to see better times ahead for them---I hope so!!!!! You have tons of friends who are telling you to go, go, go------you can make a difference!!!!!
That's what Teach For America is all about-------making a difference when that might seem to be impossible!!!!! We'll see!!!!!
Right????? I love you lots and lots-----Grandma
Megan,
It's amazing that you are comfortable with sharing your thoughts and your struggle. I think it is wise. I'll pray for storms.
-Brittany
I hope you enjoyed your personal day...and hopefully you didn't do too much entertaining and just rested! Keep up with all that you're doing...I love you so much and am so proud of what you're doing.
Dear Ms. Rapp like the music,
I think we're all having towel-days, and "how did I end up here" days, and "please, inclement weather!" days. It doesn't make me feel better to know everyone else is having them, but it does make me feel less lonely. Here's what makes me get up: It's day 15ish. We are going to make it to day 180. Even if I haven't been organized yet, or reached those 'impossible' kids yet, or really moved them foward academically yet, I **will.** Tomorrow's the day I can start to get it done, and if not tomorrow, the next day, because if I walk away then who will get those things done? They might not like me right away, but I'm going to do my darndest to like every single one of them, and they may not want to get an education, but I can show them how to feel proud of themselves at school, and maybe that will change their perspective.
As hard as Atlanta was, don't you kind of wish you were back there? FYI, you can stand under my umbrella :)
Good luck during the rest of your week, and stay strong, girl!
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