To Sustain or Not to Sustain...

So, on Saturday we had a Teach for America (TFA) orientation workshop. The first mini session was called "Sustaining Energy". We first made a list of things we had done during the week for ourselves and a list of things we had done during the week for our students...

...basically, my list was very uNbAlaNcEd... I had done about 75 things for my students and 2 for myself.

Today was rough. I came home, and I went for a bike-ride around South Beach and swam for a little bit in the ocean.

I'm pretty much coming to the sad realization that everyday is going to be rough.

Yes, TFA was not lying when they said this was going to be hard. They were not lying when they said we would probably cry everyday until Thanksgiving. Ok. I need to be okay with that.

I talked to my amazing grandmother tonight. I cried and she reminded me of a lot of reasons that I am going to stick around! She also gave me some new good ideas to try with my class.

Tomorrow will be better. Right?

Well...okay...tomorrow may not be better, but tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow, I will start fresh with no negative thoughts towards any of my students.

I need to practice grace and forgiveness.

Grace
and
Forgiveness

Lord, please give me wisdom tomorrow. And, please fill me with grace and patience.

Lyrics I'm Humming:
Chris Tomlin's Indescribable

I am here.

Alright...so week 1 is done. This will be my last first week ever as a first year teaching. That is kinda exciting.

Low Point: A girl knocking everything off my desk (pencils, markers, stapler, paper...) and then sitting down like she just showed me up.

High Point: Friday when I got through two entire lessons!

It turns out I have more strictness in me than I thought. I am trying my best to be consistent and to be solid. This is going to be a rough first few months, but I will hold my ground.

I have learned a lot these first few days.

1.) I cannot be these kids friend. I am their teacher.
2.) I thought I would be fighting with the kids more...turns out I am pushing against the school, the administration, and other teachers.
3.) I must explain content clearly and consistently or kids will catch my mistakes. Kids will catch every single one of my mistakes.

Legally, I cannot post pictures or names of my students. So, unfortunately I can't tell you about all of the colorful personalities in my classroom... : ) More info to come about my students though!!

Thanks for the encouragement and posts on my blog. I will not merely get through this year, but THRIVE this year, with the encouragement of you, so thank you so much for your consistency! : )

Lyrics I'm Humming:
I Will Survive!

5 minute lunch

I am eating an apple very quickly during my five minute lunch break.

Yesterday was my first day of teaching, and it was ok.

I feel like today is my day of initiation. Today has been rough. I had a girl knock over everything on my desk...pens, markers, tape... all this little stuff. No one helped. All 22 kids just sat and laughed. I let the stuff lay there, because I was not going to get on my hands and knees in this classroom.

Well, I have to go pick up the kids from lunch.

Bye Bye 5 minutes

Tomorrow

School starts tomorrow.

I am freaking out.

I am really overwhelmed.

I need to rest.

I've been at school yesterday (Saturday) and today (Sunday) from 7:30am to 6:00 last night, and I am getting ready to leave right now.

I need to chill before school tomorrow.

I'm going back to my apartment.

Lyrics I'm Humming:

Just Breathe.

The Sunshine Today

I feel sorry for people who think more about a rainy day ahead than sunshine today.

-Rae Foley

Wise words, and unfortunately Rae would have been feeling very sorry for me these past few days...

Ahhh! What pure craziness this past week.

I got to my school for the first day of work on Tuesday, and after preparing for Kindergarten, I was given the job as the new Math and Science 5th grade teacher. Ok. Here we go.

While 5th grade was exactly what I wanted (the sunshine today) all I could think about was how overwhelmed I was/am with work and how hard it's going to be teaching pre-pubesant boys and girls (rainy day ahead).

I was so concerned with that that my sunny day became a huge thunderstorm.

So, I'm attempting to bring my umbrella now!

I don't think I can stop the rain...the unorganization of my school, the negative comments about my students, the immense amount of work, the demands of preparing an excellent classroom, and the insecurities of having no idea what that means.

So, if you can't stop the rain, you bring an umbrella. : )

My umbrella has been found in good friends, amazingly encouraging emails and letters, prayers, and strength given to me from incredible supports, and lots of deep breaths.

So, school starts Monday. Monday morning at 8:20, I will meet my 21 students. And, Monday afternoon at 12:00, I will meet my 18 students.

I teach two groups of students. I teach Group A Math and Science in the mornings, and I teach Group B Math and Science in the afternoons.

Butterflies have been eating away at my stomach. I am so nervous. : / And, I am so excited.

This is what I came here to do.

Bring it on Sunshine!

Lyrics I'm Humming:

Sugar, Sugar...ahh..Honey, Honey

A Garden of Kinders

Oh my. Talk about a crazy past few days. After much calling and pressing, Friday at 4:00pm I found out that I am going to be a Kindergarten teacher at Lenora B Smith Elementary School.

Here were my thoughts:

Friday, 4:00pm: Shock.

Friday, 4:02pm: Anger and frustration.

Friday, 4:02-5:00pm: Sadness, anger, lots of crying.

Overnight thoughts....after calling lots of wonderful encouragers and talking out my anger and frustrations and reservations with some good support friends, I am doing much better. Although, still a little frustrated that I spent a summer planning and creating my mentality for 5th graders...I am seeing some great benefits to being a Kindergarten teacher.

Reasons I am excited?? about being a Kindergarten teacher

(I am still having some hesitations and doubts of my ability right now...)

#1) I will be the first thing these students see of education.

#2) It is said that everything you need to know from school, you learn in Kindergarten.

#3) I have a great opportunity to begin molding some key mentalities of generosity, tolerance, kindness, and peace into moldable minds.

#4) I will not be tempted to "teach for the test" with the FCAT (big Florida state tests with lots of pressure and incredibly high-stakes) as Kindergarten does not take the FCAT.

#5) I can be a little crazy and the kids won't make fun of me!

#6) I will be able to use my Haitian Creole with the kids when teaching beginning literacy, where another teacher may not have been able to meet this need of the students.

#7) I can introduce the students to wonderful things such as art, music, social studies, and science, and I will be able to see their fresh eyes!

#8) Kindergarteners are cute!

#9) I think I just became of mother of a classroom of children.

#10) Teaching Kindergarten will definitely give me some patience practice! (much needed and often prayed for!)

Reservations

~I do not know how to teach beginning literacy.

~I do not have a lot of patience.

~I do not want to turn Kindergarten into babysitting or activity driven teaching.

~I am nervous.

~I have lots of planning to do, as I feel I am starting back at scratch.

So, God, thanks for answering my prayer for patience! Oh how funny it is when God answers prayers in ways you do not expect.

Lyrics I'm Humming:

ABCs

Cry Me An Ocean

I'm starting to feel a little pathetic... I am exactly where I want to be...I am doing exactly what I want to be doing...I am living in a city where people vacation... and I can cry at a drop of a hat.

I mean, everything makes me want to cry.

Number of hysterical crying breakdowns in public places here: 2 (once at Bank of America and once at the DHL pickup place)

It is weird...the littlest things are just really getting to me. I am following so many paper trails right now with car insurance, tags, registration, drivers liscence, blah, blah, blah.... I don't know what grade I am teaching. I am just being a baby.

I wish I could just chill and relax and go with the flow. It's really ridiculous.

Example: My blinds fall down all the time. And, the other day, I just started crying about it. I was crying about blinds.

I think I'm just feeling really out of my league here...I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I'm nervous to start teaching. I really hope I make a difference. And, I wish I could concentrate on preparing my classroom, but so many little things are taking over my time and energy.

So, that's what I've been doing the past few days in Miami...crying.

This morning I spent 90 minutes driving around looking for this church to go to...a church only 10 miles from my apartment...a 15 minute drive. I was just totally lost, and I was frustrated.

I called my dad crying (of course). He saved the day. I laughed at how much I've been crying.

I was 90 minutes late to church, so I went to the later service. And, I did not feel welcome at the church. The pastor spoke about how we need to give more and how we need to be out of our comfort zone. Well, I am out. I am here. I have left my zone. I don't want someone telling me to leave my comfort zone. I want someone who is supporting me and encourging me to stay out and hold on.

What is going on with me?

Erg....

Well, there it is. My confusing, frustrated heart right now.

Lyrics I'm Humming:

Big Girls Don't Cry

Mi Casa! (sp??)

I love my apartment!!!

I've only been here for about a week, but I love it. This place is seriously my dream apartment. (minus a few details like internet and a dishwasher) The past few days I've been cleaning and organizing...reading and laying out on the beach.

Today, I just biked all over the place. I biked across the Venetian Causeway onto all of the little islands surrounding South Beach. It was lovely.

This Friday I start orientation for Teach for America. I am so excited!

Updates about where/who I'm teaching: TBA : ) I guess I am learning about flexibility here.

My dear friend, Anna, is back from India. I got to talk to her today. It was wonderful.

Lyrics I'm Humming:
Gwen Stefani- Wind it Up